My Story
I used to be two people and now Im just one person and I have this overwhelming desire to die. I dont necessarily want to die, but I do like the idea of dying (have for four weeks now). To prove what I mean about my past selves, Im going to copy down some diary entries from the past couple years that I dont remember writing. Im being totally serious. Theres almost nothing I remember about the last two years, not including these past two months being one person. When I came to and stopped being two other people, though, I still had all the knowledge of who I was; who I had become. I am a finpunk, short for financial punk, and reading through these journal entries I supposedly wrote, it seems like I was more of a finpunk when I wasnt cognisant. The only caveat is that the execution of each of my ends never overlapped. I never acted like a punk nor did I dress like one when I was hustling. Back then out drinking and crashing free concerts, I never once thought about the rising cost of international shipping nor the degradation of BTC. Nowadays, I cant fathom working without being accompanied by an urge to be a delinquent; drop it all. And when I attempt to participate in delinquental activities, all I can think or talk about is the state of the S&P, the value of the crypto Im invested in; nobody gives a shit about it. Whatever, Im here to indulge the past so that maybe I can push whatevers in the way out of my way. So without further ado, each entry will alternate between each persona and I hope you guys can post some inspo for me after you’ve given it a read!
9/23/20: I am the bitcoin doctor! is what Im going to tell everyone I meet now. In my online marketing course, I claim that a memorable name will automatically make an entrepreneurs clientele, on average, raise their predisposition to choose the entrepreneurs services by sixty-five percent, so, I thought... might as well take my own advice!
10/5/20 I have enver been this drunk and yet i some how found my own way back to my place here in front of my PC in my deskchair. its when im most drunk that I feel most like an enemy of the state. Its when Im most drunk that I can sit here in my swivelchair and feel connected to every other drunk person letting loose tonight and nights before. all thos legnedary highschool / college parties where the floor of the house has inch of beer puddled up to every wall. I may be out for the count tonight, but somewhere out there theres someone still slugging beers down for me so I usually like to go to fridge and grab a coupl of night caps right about now. also about now I like to listen to a prince album and think about prince and all of the tail he got back int he day (when he was alive). Whatever im tired and theres some loud kids on the street woh need to have some beer bottles thrown at them. if id ont do it... who will?
2/2/21 Bitcoin is making me richer than Ive ever been, richer than anyone Im related to has ever been. I just feel like writing that down makes it actually start to sink in with me now, I mean, Im fucking loaded. I have so many people I’ve brought into the game now, the BTC developers should be paying me! Tonight, Ill get some filets from the butcher on the way home and have Jane over for a celebration meal and margarita (or two :wink:). Tomorrow, Ill wire my dad the cash he needs to get his pool installed.
2/3/21 Its 4 AM and its still pitch black outside. Im finally a bit more sober. I drank some white lightning with this chick from Bumble with pink hair at a rave and I went blind for about four hours. Im perfectly fine, though. I didnt want the night to be wasted and I thought it would make everyone laugh, which it did, if I kept buying drinks. I thought it was so funny that I had tge group I was with walk me over to (easily) one of the most overrated nightclubs in the city and I paid bottle service for every table in the VIP section. I even gave the DJ a grand to exclusively play Prince. Without anything to see and everything to hear, it reminded me of the fourth time I ever drank whiskey. Girls cooing, 1999 blasting in my ear… I might as well have been sitting on my buddy Eric from high schools couch. At one point, some girl asked me why I was staring at her. I told her that the song was making me anxious to have a chat with someone. She walked over and complimented my spikey bracelet. I told her that this song (1999) was about having one last party in spite of the apocalypse and how everyone is leaving their morals at the door and also that Ive been blind since birth like Stevie Wonder.
2/5/21 So I was looking at my transaction history yesterday trying to figure out why so much money was missing from my checking account and I found all these bills from clubs and bars that equate to hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars. I guess I have such a steady flow of income that each time I thought I was overestimating the amount in my bank account, I wasnt thinking of it as more than the profits taking time to transfer. I havent lost too much money, so I guess its not much of a problem, but I guess its just kind of weird to me, you know? Whatever, Im sure Im not the first person thats gone through something like this. Itll probably pass before anything can really come of it. As long as I still feel well enough to grind, it doesn’t really bother me all that much… I guess I'm built differently that way! I look ahead, I don’t like dwelling.
12/25/21 What a punk night. At 10pm I went out for a walk and met up these two highschoolers who sell me acid and we couldnt help laughing at everything and everyone we came across because we each took three tabs of acid. When we got into one of their classmates house shows I had this idea to steal every every framed family picture. My thinking behind it was that theres one thing you can never replace and its old pictures of family. Also, maybe it was the acid or something deep within me rearing its head but I also just felt vehemently against the idea of photos; they felt demonic to me for a minute there. I sorta feel bad now that Im home and sober so I'e set them up all nice in my place.
2/10/22 Im so fucked its actually unbelievable. Ive never been this much in debt. To be honest, I dont think theres anything fruitful to be had from writing down specifics because ive dwelled on them plenty. All i want to do is stay home and smoke weed but I keep fighting the urge everyday I wake up. ive never been through a more difficult time in my life that i can remember. i wish i was in my mom and dad's backyard right now eating a ballpark frank with mustard and relish.
Thats the end of the entries. On February 11th, I woke up. I wasnt necessarily freaked out but I did have a pretty horrible panic for a day or two despite still going about my preset daily activities. I tried to put the best version of myself out there. Every night I splayed my persona on the floors of the most popular venues of my city, dancing until my essence seeped out of my pours (I intentionally never wore deodorant) onto those around me so that they could really know who I am. These past four weeks, I havent done anything, haven't gone anywhere. I don't do shit even though all I have is valuable time. Every single hour for that past 672 hours, wasted. No money moves, not really much movement in general. I'd say I've gained about 15-20 pounds already. I DoorDash deliver everything. I dont need to go anywhere, worry about anyone. Ive all I need here. I'm zen that way. Based on my calculations I can keep this up for 3 years. Maybe after that Ill come out of this hibernation. By then, Ill be a well-read man. By then Ill be a fortuitous writer with multiple novels to show to publishers. I'll be be stronger than I ever was.
About Us
You can find out more about my ends and means by reading above i.e. taking a bit of time out of your day to EMPATHIZE... Otherwise, the only thing I'd like to clarify is that I am NOT Martin Garrix, the man who made the hit EDM song Animals. I am just Martin Garricks, the lowly Oklahoman with a split-personality.